I started this blog 18 years ago with the birth of Hannah. It seems both like it was yesterday and like it was a million years ago. And the thought of writing an 18 year old Hannah post seemed light years away to that wide eyed and expectant mom. But here we are. And while the posting of the kids' lives on here has basically come to a halt, I couldn't NOT post this, an appropriate place to ponder the 18 years the Lord has blessed me with watching this daughter grow and mature. I've learned SO MUCH these 18 years through her life and I've loved SO MUCH. Here's what I've LOVED and LEARNED through Hannah:
1. She's funny. Upon first impression to most, Hannah comes across quiet and reserved, and that she is. Her first year of life was often representative of that with her stoic face; however, to those who know her well, she's more funny than serious. In fact, sometimes it drives me crazy and I'm known to say, "can you be serious for a minute?" But, her humor is a gift and, especially during the hectic season we're in, keeps a light hearted pulse in the midst of it all. If being a comedian was a viable career, she'd be a great candidate.
2. She's a good listener. Hannah isn't one to talk much in large group settings. It's been her way since she was little. At times, I've encouraged her to speak up, say more, share your ideas. But, as she's lived 18 years of life, that hasn't changed...much. BUT, she listens well. It's funny she's been enrolled in Classical CONVERSATIONS her whole educational life. I know she listens well because...
3. She communicates well to me. I'm SO THANKFUL for this. I don't take it for granted. She talks to me. She shares what she hears and processes through it often with me. This is not because I'm an awesome mom. I've made so many mistakes with Hannah. I've been hard on Hannah. I've probably caused her to cry the most (out of my frustration) as a homeschool mom. And yet, the Lord has given Hannah a heart that is soft toward me. It is truly a gift. And so I know she's a listener because she shares what she hears with me, the good, the bad, the funny. And I'm thankful for all of it.
4. She's contented. There's not much that ruffles Hannah's feathers, or at least, not for a long period of time. She's been dropped in new, uncomfortable environments the past 7 years more often than I ever was at her age, and while I carried much of the heartache of new beginnings and changes and some isolation, she walked through them much more gracefully. Of course there was complaining from her at times and struggle, but when we told her to walk into the awkwardness, she did it...over and over again.
5. She's forgiving. Like I said, I probably have made Hannah cry more than my other kids during her first 4 years of school. She learns much differently than I do/did. She struggles much more in school than I did. And I got frustrated. So frustrated. And there were tears. Lots of tears from her and from me as we sat at the school room table trying to figure it out. And I was unkind at times. And yet, she forgave me. She may not have used those words, but her actions showed it over and over again.
6. She's loose ligamented. I know, this isn't serious. But, we need a seriousness break. After her knee popped out of joint, we started making connections...oh, it makes sense now why you can walk through your arms, bend your elbows way back, and why, when you come with me to the gym, your joints keep bending beyond the natural trajectory with weights. So, she's careful with the joints.
7. She likes rap. Continuing with the seriousness break, I love that Hannah loves rap. I mean, I did raise them on Lecrae, Flame, KB, and the whole 116 gang so I guess it was bound to happen. If I did anything right, I did this.
8. She's not too cool for me. Speaking of rap, she (and Grant and Kate) didn't bat an eye when I asked if they wanted to go to a KB concert with me, their mom. Hannah, at 17 years old, was excited to see KB with me. It could have partially been to see me act totally unhinged (as much as a white, middle age, suburban mom can be) at a KB concert. But I'm so thankful she wanted to go WITH ME and didn't think twice about it.
9. She doesn't like movies or tv. Ok, this I don't understand. I enjoy a good tv show and a good movie. It's how I wind down. Hannah does not. I don't know if it's because it requires an attention span that "kids these days" don't have thanks to phones and technology. She used to watch Bambi and The Fox and the Hound incessantly every morning when she was little while I got ready for the day. Maybe that burned her out.
10. She's not competitive. While Hannah enjoys running and is naturally good at it, she lacks the competitive nature to make her great at it. She's told me more than once that she genuinely doesn't care if people beat her. While this poses a problem for me as her cross country coach, I realize it also may be a strength because, unlike me at her age, her identity is not wrapped up in her performance...as a runner, as a student, etc. I'm thankful for this. She can have a bad race, and go on with her day contented and unchanged by that. If she were to win the race, I honestly believe it would be the same response. We've talked before how our identities rest solely in the work of Christ and His righteousness. I'm so very thankful that she is not wrestling with her identity in her performance.
11. She loves animals. She loves dogs. She loves our dogs. She's less into Georgie though. Sorry, George.
12. She loves tasty drinks. I think I passed this on to her as well. If calories could be consumed solely by drinks, she'd be covered (as would I). She loves Coke, non coffee drinks at Dunkin and Starbucks, and whatever the latest energy drink is these days (I know, they're not healthy).
13. She likes the gym. This is new. She's been going with me and she said, "I really like going to the gym." I do too. I think it's the challenge of exercising without the pressure of performing and competing. And, there's a lot of great people we've met at the gym.
14. She's thoughtful. Just this month, at the beach, she saw a shirt I'd love. She knows I love t-shirts. And she bought it for me. She's always been thoughtful. If she goes to buy herself a drink, she always offers to buy me one. I'm thankful for that. And if she's making a grilled cheese or a quesadilla, she makes me one too.
15. She's secure. Hannah doesn't feel the pressure to be someone she's not. As she's grown, she's not afraid to be who she is, both the good and the bad. Like us all, she has sin to work on and areas to grow, but she also doesn't hide that. She's not fake. Who she is around one person is who she is around another person. I value that. At her age, I don't think I was like that. I was too much of a people pleaser and still struggle with this.
16. She's not emotional. This can be good and bad. But it is who she is. Other friends have asked me how we handled the emotions that come along with teenage girls. But it's been pretty calm seas over here in that regards. Hannah is pretty steady, even keel. Are there times I think more emotions should be at play, yes, absolutely. But I also think that will come as life hits in different ways over the years. I was probably the cause of most of her tears and it was earlier in life and over the math.
17. She perseveres. School has been Hannah's hardest struggle. It has not been easy for either of us these past years, especially in math. If you ask Hannah if she loves school, I'll go ahead and tell you, she doesn't. It's not because we homeschool, it's because it's very hard for her. Her brain works differently. It's been an ongoing battle trying to figure out how it best works. We've tried so many methods, strategies, and techniques and it's just hard. We've had testing done with little help there. But, she keeps going....well, she has to by default, but when something is hard and you do it over and over again, it takes a lot of perseverance. At her state meet in track last year, she finished last. It was a rough race, Hannah was struggling, and yet, she kept going. It was my proudest moment as her mom. It would be easy to just get off the track and not finish. She was the last one on the track and yet, she kept running. I know she was embarrassed, but I was not. I felt like it was a picture of her perseverance over the past several years of homeschooling. She doesn't give up when it's hard. And it doesn't break her when she struggles through something very hard.
18. She is gracious. Hannah's name means "grace, favor," and looking back at these 18 years it is fitting. She has shown me grace, grace toward a mom who has messed up a lot and often on her as she's the first born who has the extra burden of "getting it right" from the over zealous mom who's trying out all the ideas of "perfect parenting" on her.
Hannah has been a gift to parent. She's not perfect, she's made lots of mistakes, she has lots of sanctification ahead, but she's my daughter, my first born, my gift from the Lord. She's taught me way more than I ever thought possible.
This year she asked if we could run a marathon together. While it feels daunting, it feels very appropriate for our journey together, especially our homeschooling journey. It's been a hard journey for both of us, probably one of my hardest, but we both persevered together and have learned so much about life, the Lord, and Latin. And so to finish our journey in May next year with a marathon seems like the perfect ending to this season of both of our lives. We can do hard things, we can do it together...always with the strength, help, and power of the Lord.
I love Hannah. I'm thankful for her. I'm honored to wish her a very Happy 18th Birthday.
