Mommy's Moment: Busyness, Summer, and Sin

Here I sit at the precipice of a new school year.

Though public school kicks into gear tomorrow, our homeschool will begin in two weeks. But, nonetheless, the next two weeks will be spent in major preparation for the school year.

So, we say goodbye to a very full summer. Full of change, full of quick trips, full of swimming, full of friends, full of life and full of struggle.

This past summer marks the busiest of my adult life.

In fact, it seems as though I never quite caught my breath. It seems one quick trip with John bled into a busy week at a Classical Conversations practicum which turned into a Yurt excursion just before our several trips to the swimming pool while rearranging four rooms that ended with meetings for Classical Conversations followed by another quick trip to a lake that merged into a quick trip home as my mom wrestled with some health issues (all is well, praise the Lord) where I returned to take part in the tearing up of carpet and laying down of hardwood just before we had guests from Thailand come and stay with us (so encouraged to have them) right before our Classical Conversations community begins to ramp up with Open House meetings and the first day of school and all the while dealing with the everyday life of just living with three kids while John has stayed amazingly busy (praise the Lord) trying to keep up with the abundance of work that the Lord has provided.

And just as that sentence found no good place to stop, so did our summer. One week quickly melted into another until finally, here I sit trying to gather myself and reflect on "what just happened?"

And I realize many people live busy lives, much busier than our's. But I'm never a fan of busy. And perhaps it's because I found that in the "busy-ness" of our summer I became extremely irritated at my kids as they couldn't keep up with rush of life. I lost my cool several times this summer because shoes weren't on the feet fast enough or someone accidentally let Molly out which turned into a "Catch Me if You Can," game. Or hearts needed tending to or discipline rendered. It all got in the way of plans, plans, plans. I didn't like it. And in turn, I responded poorly. While this summer was full of busy, it was also full of sin, my sin.

It's a kind of summer where I've seen that I am more sinful than I dared imagine. My heart is selfish. I've had to go to my kids a lot to apologize for being unkind, hasty, inconsiderate, just plain mean. If you want to see your sin, have kids. Have a few. Put them all in the back seat of your vehicle and drive several hours somewhere. Then, tell me what you're thinking and feeling.

As a mom, I've been desperate this summer. Desperate for the Lord. And while I haven't always been diligent in seeking the Lord, I know that my desperation heightens my understanding of how much I need Him, that I can't do it on my own. There are days my kids need protection from ME, from my sinful nature and responses, whether it's through an unkind word or harsh tone. My only Hope is Jesus.

And I was reminded this morning by a timely sermon that this is a GOOD place to be, in a place of desperation where you know your only Hope is the Lord. If I don't realize my heart is sinful and prone to wander then I don't realize my great need for Christ, who alone rescues me from that sin and through His Holy Spirit enables me to fight it.

And while I am not a proponent of "busy-ness" I know that as a homeschooling mom of three, I will be busy. And I can't continue in my sinful pattern of irritability and frustration. It's dishonoring to the Lord, to my husband, to my kids. And so as I reflect on lessons I'm learning this summer I realize that 1) I want to be busy with the right things and only a few things 2) I want to be desperate for my Lord in the midst of those things 3)I want to seek Him daily for His strength to fight the sin that I am prone to in those things.

And I know I will fail. But the greatest news is my Lord did not. Praise the Lord it is Christ's perfect obedience that saves me. And that when I fail, I can come to Him freely to repent and I know that I am forgiven because it is not my works that save or my lack thereof that now condemn me. Jesus is mine and His perfection is now my perfection. He took my wrath for my sin and suffered it for me.

Hallelujah! May THAT be what overflows into the lives of those around me.

More of Him and less of me.