40

 It's been three and a half years since I've put anything on my blog. Does anyone read blogs anymore? I'm just thankful this little piece of my life is still available to revisit and is always open for me to work out my rusty fingers and untangle my jostled thoughts.

Today I turned 40. Many of you have already crossed this threshold and perhaps reminisce fondly of these "younger" years in comparison of where you are now. It's funny how our perspectives change as we age. I'm sure one day I will look back at this and share in that perspective. But today, today, it feels a bit monumental. I entered my thirties with three young children, a new (to us) minivan, and a few gray hairs. We were just beginning our official homeschooling journey. Learning to read and potty training were still activities on my daily schedule. I even had naptime as a regular scheduled event...for the kids of course. While my twenties were a period of big changes: graduating college, getting my first real job, marriage, buying a house, and having kids, my thirties proved to be a period of consistency, with no "big" milestones to measure the decade. It was like a steady plodding along, which sometimes proved hard. Galatians 6:9 became a verse of encouragement during a season where the fanfare of new beginnings had passed and the call to be faithful and persevere in the mundane was my present. "And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." If I'm being honest, the word weary has been a part of my vocabulary a lot in my thirties. Raising three children is not a glamorous job. It's a wonderful job, but it's not glamorous. Homeschooling three children is not a glamourous job. It's a privilege, but it's not glamorous. You see, in my twenties it was easier to be seen. You're graduating? Awesome, let's throw a party and celebrate. You're getting married? How wonderful! Let's have showers and buy all the pretty things! You're pregnant? Let's do a baby shower and bring you meals. You just bought a house? Let's decorate it and fill it up to make it a home. But after those milestones, the celebrations are fewer and farther between. And a lot of the hard work is waiting. 

I say this not for self pity. It's simply a reality, one we all face in some form or another I'm sure. No one throws a party when your struggling reader finally learns to read. Or that stubborn child finally obeys after hours of a standoff of wills. Or your child gets an A on a math test after so many tears of confusion. There's not much fanfare when you celebrate year after year of faithfully staying true to your marriage covenant. And so my thirties were such where I was challenged to persevere despite being "seen" in ways I was in my twenties. It was a season of pressing on in doing good, not giving up in the planting of all kinds of seeds and trusting that in due season, I would reap. And remembering that often times, while man does not "see" me, the Lord does. El Roi does. I think this was a major theme of my thirties. So I planted a lot. I planted good seeds and I planted, unfortunately, some bad seeds. But I'm thankful I serve a God who can work for the good in my marriage and in my kids and in my other relationships in spite of myself. 

And while my thirties were years that were characterized by persevering, the persevering already has produced good fruit. John's business has thrived over the past ten years, a testimony to the Lord's faithfulness to us in His provision through John's hard work and perseverance. Our children are healthy and growing. As they've matured we've been given opportunities to have good conversations about hard topics. I've had a front row seat to my children developing into young adults. The years I've had with them at home are precious and worth more than any other circumstance could give me. Homeschooling has been hard. It's required more of myself than I'm often willing to give. It's required my children to do hard things that have pushed them out of their comfort zones. But they've grown. I've grown. I've taken on different leadership roles within Classical Conversations in my thirties that have required me to stretch and do things that are uncomfortable to me...like flying solo to Washington D.C and dealing with a busted suitcase that didn't quite make it in one piece (among other things, of greater consequence). My later thirties reminded me I'm not invincible. My body is not immune to sickness. Hearing ovarian cancer was a quick wake up call. No one throws parties for that. Thankfully, after enduring 3 months of the unknown, surgery proved it was not ovarian cancer but a benign growth that was easily removed along with the ovary and fallopian tube. I was definitely celebrating here. And those close to me, they were as well. So while the fanfare may not have been as wide in my thirties, it was definitely deeper and more meaningful. My thirties continued to foster deep friendships with a few faithful friends who I know have my back through thick and thin. And of course, my family continues to be the constant in my life that is there in the big fanfare moments and ever present in the smaller fanfare moments and all those moments in between. 

So I sit, looking back at the past ten years that were very different from my twenties. They were formative years that were often built slowly day in and day out of doing the same things, often things that were not seen by anyone, literally. Most of my time has been spent within the four walls of my home with my three kids. It's not glamorous. It's not noteworthy to most. But I know I was planting. And I trust, as the Lord says, that if I don't grow weary and don't give up, I will reap in due season. And so I enter my 40s, continuing to plant, continuing to hold on to that truth, looking forward to more reaping. I know at the end of this decade, my children will all be adults. My life will look completely different. Homeschooling will be my past. But I will say this....there WILL be fanfare when my kids graduate. I hope my 40s include 3 cruises....an opportunity CC provides for graduating seniors. You better believe we will be celebrating...celebrating we ALL made it through. So, here's to my 40s. May I walk gracefully ahead, trusting the Lord, planting good seeds, and reaping good fruit....and boarding some cruises.