Glory

 I wrestle with wanting glory. I want to be noticed. I want people to think, "wow, look at her." The praise of man is tempting.  It's alluring. But, it's deceitful. And it's bondage. Bondage to myself. Bondage to man and man's view of me. Bondage to trying to work for man's approval and consequently for my identity. It's exhausting and fleeting and never satisfying. Selfishly, I'm hoping I'm not alone with this struggle. I assume since Scripture talks about "men pleasers" and loving the "praise from men more than the praise from God," that I'm not. Even writing this blog post, I struggle with my motive. How do I fight this ugly temptation to seek glory for myself? Then, this evening, I read this in Revelation:

"At once I was in the Spirit, and behold, a throne stood in heaven, with one seated on the throne. And he who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of an emerald. Around the throne were twenty-thrones, and seated on the thrones were twenty-four elders, clothed in white garments, with golden crowns on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightning, and rumblings and peals of thunder, and before the throne were burning seven torches of fire, which are seven spirits of God, and before the throne there was as it were a sea of glass, like crystal."  

The magnitude of God's glory and sole worthiness seeped out of those words and immediately my hunger for self glory seemed like a joke, an embarrassment, a farce. Who am I to compete against the glory of the Lord? While I still don't comprehend the full magnitude of His glory, I think tonight I caught a glimpse. It was humbling. And I'm thankful. I pray that when I'm tempted to pursue my own glory and continue to run into the same dead ends, that these words, this picture of a glory I've never fully grasped, would flood my mind and I would turn away from seeking empty glory for myself and find full freedom in directing all glory to Him who alone is worthy. In that freedom, there is rest. Rest from searching for affirmation through man. Rest from placing my identity in the ebbs and flows of man's fickle nature. And in that freedom there is peace. Peace because Christ is my glory. There is no other glory to be had. It is finished. And all glory belongs to Him who is the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last, the Creator, the Lamb who alone was worthy to rescue us from our sin. And it is to Him that all glory shall be freely given.