Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Mommy's Moment: Why I Hate Dental Hygiene

I know. Odd topic. Even odder, I'm calling myself out.

Truth be told, it started as a child. Mom and Dad, maybe you knew my wiley ways. I was convinced I'd created an ingenious idea. At the night time brushing, instead of actually brushing my teeth, I made a fist and rubbed the side of it up and down, up and down, along the side of the wall. It makes quite a convincing brushing sound.

Try it. I know you are.

I hated brushing my teeth.

It hasn't changed. Now, I do brush my teeth every morning. That'd be WAY gross if I didn't. But at night, it's a pain.

I'm tired.

And so often times, it goes undone.

And what's the point? I get glowing reviews upon every dentist visit, to John's dismay. I've never had a cavity. The dentist says, "keep doing what you're doing."

I say, "okay."

Dental hygiene, it's a pain.

But lately, I've come to hate it more.

Enter kids.

First, it's brushing their teeth for them. Toothpaste drools from their mouth as you've kept it open one second too long in hopes of brushing just long enough to not have to go through Round Two. Then, if you have a girl, you have to manage to hold her hair back in hopes the toothpaste drool won't find residence in her hair, thus creating a new problem, nasty tangles. And, when they do spit, they manage to spit just far enough away from the flow of the water to leave a glob of what usually is a mix of used/unused toothpaste. You know, the part that actually got mixed with the water and saliva in the mouth and the other part that somehow managed, no matter how intentional the brushing, to remain in pure toothpaste form.

And there it sits. Stubbornly. No amount of splashing will uproot it from it's place of rest.

So, if I were "on the ball" each night I would clean their sink. But I'm not. I'm working on it. So, before long the sink becomes a mecca for toothpaste globs waiting for battle.

But, my hate gets worse. Now, my wonderful children can brush their own teeth.

They, unlike me, love it.

So much so that I find them "brushing" their teeth numerous times throughout the day.

I use "brushing" loosely.

With this new found love, comes more work. For me. More globs have now managed to not only sit inside the sink, but also around the sink as a result of failed attempts to land the toothpaste onto the toothbrush.

It gets worse. Kate now climbs. She, like her siblings, loves all things dental hygiene. So much so, she climbs on the stool to get to both of their toothbrushes. I have found her numerous times standing on the stool in the dark, toothbrushES in mouth. Grin on face. And not only has she used them, but she carries them across the house with the smell of mint flavored toothpaste on her breath and it's sticky remnants on her hands. Maybe it's now I should no longer use the term "dental hygiene." Is unhygiene a word?

The bathroom, it's a war zone all in the name of dental hygiene (or unhygiene). Between the globs of toothpaste that scatter the sink and the fights between all three kids of who gets to stand on the stool and brush their teeth and leave those globs on the sink, it's enough to make you hate the process.

It's enough to deserve a protest.

And I guess I am its biggest late night protestor.

Do I stand alone?


Courtney said...

I am soooo with you about brushing the kids teeth! It was a New Year's resolution for us, haha! They got electronic toothbrushes that they LOVE and I just put a tiny, tiny bit of toothpaste, so it hasn't been an issue for us yet. But I was laughing out loud reading your post, sooo funny!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like my house too...except my Kate can't reach her sisters' toothbrushes. ;)