Thursday, June 18, 2009

Oh Kansas City, Where Do I Begin?

You might want to sit down for this one...or grab a drink. This could take awhile. You see, it all started several weeks ago when Mommy said Grant and I were going on a trip to Kansas City. We were going to meet my Great Grandpa "Arson (Larson)" and my great aunts and uncles and Mommy's cousins. It sounded like a great plan!

So, after our car was jam-packed full of all our necessities, we were on our way to Birmingham to meet up with Grandma, Papa, Ashey, and the Sandersons. . .or so I thought. We weren't in the car but for 2 minutes when Mommy stopped at the neighborhood clubhouse.
"I wanna go on our trip," I whimpered. To which Mommy replied that we were, we just had to run a couple of more errands before we started. So, about an hour or so later and a stop at the post office and the bank, we were really on our way to Birmingham.
The ride was smooth sailing for about an hour and then, well, you'll see. Mommy had thought she had gotten some funny whiffs of something during the ride but since Gwant was fast asleep, she didn't want to disrupt the peace, so she had ignored it. Well, we made a stop in Anniston so Mommy could take a potty break. As she unbuckled Gwant, she noticed a nice layer of poo exuding from his pants and onto the carseat. Apparently Gwant needed a potty break too. . .just thirty minutes prior to when Mommy needed one. Things were about to get messy. Mommy tried to turn on her MacGuyver instincts. She layed the front passenger seat flat. Pulled the grocery cart cover off of the floor (see, a messy car can come in handy) and laid it out on the seat. Gwant had his own changing table in the car. About a million wet wipes later, Gwant was shiney clean. Now, I had to go. So, while Mommy continued to clean up the rest of the mess, there I sat, on my "travel potty" in between our two carseats in the back seat. And, being the good gurl I am, I pee-peed into my potty so as not to create a new mess for Mommy to clean (although she did have to clean the potty out). After Mommy wiped me and put my pants back on, cleaned the carseat of poop from Gwant, and threw away all the poopey wipes, it was her turn. So, she toted us into the women's bathroom and finally, she had relief.
We were back on the road. Gwant wasn't the happiest camper. We had short repreaves from his high pitched, blood curdling squeals. Those were nice. But only another hour or so later, we arrived at Grandma and Papa's. All was good. For that night at least.
We woke up early the next morning to hit the road for what was supposed to be a 12 hour car ride. We were excited, optimistic, enthusiastic about this great adventure that lay before us. Mommy, Gwant, and I rode with Grandma and Papa while Ashey rode with the Sandersons. Gwant and I were cozy in the back of the Pilot, while Mommy sat cozy in the middle row with the bags and cooler. Finally, we were officially starting our trip and I was happy, well, until about an hour down the road.
We stopped at McDonald's for breakfast. However, I wasn't feeling so hot. My stomach began bulging out, much like you see in the chosen picture above, except, well, it was bigger. If I were older, you would have thought I may be pregnant. Or, if I were from another country you may have thought I had a disease. All I know is that I couldn't eat and I had to poop. And poop I did, thankfully in our travel potty. But, that didn't spell relief. Despite my whimpers and lack of appetite the trip continued. I "cwied" a lot and told Mommy I wanted to go outside. Thankfully, during this troubling period, Gwant was as good as gold.
Well, it hit lunchtime and we stopped in Paducah, KY. Grandma had planned a lovely picnic for us all to enjoy at a rather nice rest area. By this time, my stomach had increased in size while my enthusiastic attitude had all but diminished. We all walked to the bathroom for a potty break. As I sat perched on the potty, I lost it. Those who weren't in our caravan may have thought Mommy was beating me the way I screamed in the stall. I would not relieve that pressure in my tummy due to the intense, raw pain in my behind. And, for the next hour, I screamed, I cried, I refused to eat and I repeated the phrase "Mommy, I wanna go home," several times. To which Mommy always oddly answered, "Hannah, do you want to go swimming? We're going to go to a swimming pool tonight." To which I always replied, "Yes, Mommy." It did give me hope. And finally, it calmed me a bit as I envisioned myself splashing wildly in the cool refreshment of the pool.But, more hours passed, and there was still no pool. However, everytime I cried there was that promise of a pool...somewhere.
Around 4:00 pm there was still no pool, but there was a great thing called The Arch to look at. And look at it we did, for a long time, as we sat in bumper to bumper traffic in St. Louis. That's when the trip really took a turn for the worse. I felt a sudden urge in my stomach. I screamed to Mommy, "I've gotta go poo-poo!" and started crying. Mommy jerked me out of my carseat, but it was too late. I had lost control and I was covered in diarrhea. Mommy sat me on the travel potty to finish the job I started. So, there we all sat, in dead still traffic, in the middle of Saint Louis, I was covered in poo-poo, Gwant was losing his mind, Mommy was holding me steadily on the potty, Papa was on the verge of cussing, and Grandma was trying to help in whatever way possible as the stench of diarrhea filled the small enclosed space. This wasn't the trip I had envisioned.
Not long after that, we decided to take a break from the traffic and eat some dinner at, none other than, McDonald's. It wasn't a happy time for me. . .even though Mommy ordered me a Happy Meal. I didn't touch it. Instead, I cwied the whole time we sat there as I repeated, "I wanna go home." And poor Gwant. Mommy was so consumed with me that he was overlooked some. Grandma tried to feed him his baby food but it was then and there he decided he would never eat baby food again. He did eat some french fries. For this time and place, that would have to suffice. Mommy grew more greatly concerned about my condition. She called After Hours who informed her their nurses could not give her advice since we were several hours away. So, after a nightmarish dinner at McDonald's we got back in the car to continue this so exciting journey.
The next 3-4 hours (it's all a blur) was just icing on the cake. . .we'll just call it delirium. The only antidote for this madness was Baby Einstein. Had you seen me and Gwant, you would have thought we had been brainwashed. By 8:00 pm, as we were still driving, our eyes stayed transfixed on the flashing screen before us. We were silent, I occassionally nodded off, but kept coming back to that flashing screen. The promises of the pool had faded into the darkness.
Lo and Behold, at 9:20 pm...after leaving at 6:20 am...we arrived at our destination. As for the rest of our trip, I will be documenting that as we post more pictures. Thankfully, the beginning of our trip was the worst part. Stayed tuned as we post more about our trip!


LB said...

oh my word, Jessica, that is a nightmare. I can't even imagine how you must have been feeling. Wow.

Bethany said...

WOW! What a story! I'm very sorry you had to endure that, but it sure was an entertaining story!

Jenny said...

Oh Jess, that's rough. But I gotta tell ya, I laughed the whole time. It's always funnier AFTER the fact.

I'm glad you (and the kids) survived and now you have a funny story to tell!

travelingstacey said...

I think you need a medal or Mommy of the Year award for enduring that! Hopefully you guys will sleep good tonight! I hope you're able to have fun at the pool! :-) And I hope the rest of the trip is great!

Groovers said...

oh my goodness.....that story is the biggest deterrent to taking a long road trip with little ones ever. you poor thing! wow, wow, wow!

The Noonan's said...

ok - I've heard that story and I still laguhed out loud because of the insanity that we mom's put ourselves through and how we still love to be mommy's. But I also thought - of "Hannah do you want to go swimming" - as great technique by the way. I mean throughout life she can use this and you too. I can hear Jesus whispering to you on days like that "Jessica, do you want everything to be ok? Just be patient and hang in there - because in the end - the very end - EVERYTHING will be ok because I'll make it ok. DO you want to go swimming - I've got a really big pool waiting for you!" It's an encouragement and reminder in the craziness. I hope you are enjoying your trips to the pool this week and enjoying your cute kids -